The Dark Side Of Awakening

90% of the spiritual awaking process that nobody talks about…

I can only share my own personal experience with the spiritual awakening process, but quite frankly, it’s been insanely difficult, destructive, and gruelingly painful at times.

Sure, I do quite frequently get brilliant insights, amazing divine encounters, and have the awe-inspiring experience of witnessing true miracles, but… and it’s a BIG BUT… as wonderful as all of that is…

the dark side of the awakening process largely overshadows all of the highlights.

I don’t say this with bitterness or to be cynical, rather that is my honest, objective, take on the matter.  I of course, see the VAULE of each and every challenge, but often times that is far, down the line from the seemingly never-ending, moments that seem pregnant with pain.

I write about this, not to guide the readers to frame their awakening experience in a negative light, rather I write about it to let you know that it’s not, just you. 

You are not doing anything wrong. You are not alone in this.

I felt very alone through much of my awakening because many years ago, it was much more of a rare occurrence. There was not many contemporary voices admitting to their experiences like there are today. Even with the surge of awakening taking place on the planet, much of the content out there is created from the higher aspects of the creator’s consciousness.

The popular teachers out there produce their videos, blog posts, and seminars when they are, “on.” However, most of them experience just as many difficulties for every period of time they are, “on.” 

I felt compelled to express the raw, hard, truth about the nature of awakening. And, this is not at all to say that these other teachers are doing anything wrong.  I just see a bit of a void in the spiritual community and feel guided to fill it with this perspective that I know many others experience.

I wrote this so you would know…

 The pain, the inner turmoil, the often times, crippling physical symptoms, the insane life circumstances exploding into your reality, are all perfectly normal. You are doing just fine 🙂

The awakening process is that of destruction.

A complete shattering of every facet of our consciousness that is not perfectly aligned with our (inherent, divine, true, core self).

Certain aspects that need to be let go of, are obvious and easy, but a great many of them make such little sense to our rational minds that they creates incredible degrees of tension, conflict, and pain inside of us. 

So often, this “holding on” causes unexplainable physical discomforts, disastrous and sudden endings in our life, and long periods of feeling completely severed off from our “spirit self,” higher self, divine nature, etc.

This feeling of being cut off is horrible.

Especially in contrast to how connected we have the ability to feel at times.

On some level we understand that it’s temporary, necessary, and serves a higher purpose, but the experience is so real, that those higher understandings rarely help much at all.

Going further, the more we awaken, the more we understand our true nature, and even possibly our past lives… the more, many of us desire to be back, “home.” To be… off this crazy, dense, and hostile place…

Sometimes, in the nostalgia of my own soul-memories…

I feel like flying! 

Yes, I have the unexplainable urge to straight up, lift off, in my physical body, and fly around the sky.

I see it as a sort of memory of just how much freedom that I possessed in other lives.  This memory makes me feel that much more confined and restricted in this present incarnation.

The more I awaken, the more conscious connection I feel with, “the other side.”

The contrast of my memories and how things are, here on earth, can be heart breaking. I often times, feel a sense of, “home sickness.” I long to be done with this life.  I long to be dead, quite literally. I have zero fears about dying and many times find myself looking forward to it. I know that the moment I take my last breath, I will lift out of my body as if waking from a bad dream.  I will glance around at the divine realm I pop into, and the first thing I will do, is go for a fly through the cosmos!

Ever feel that way? Ever feel like dying?

It’s cool, don’t feel bad. I used to feel bad for having those feelings. I have children and a wife.  How selfish, right?  I concluded that…hey… it’s just how I feel sometimes.  Invalidating my feelings that simply well up in m body, when they want to, doesn’t do me any good and only keeps me more in illusion.

I…You…. will never, actually kill ourselves.

No, our spirits are too mighty for that.  Our guides probably won’t even let us if we wanted to. We have what it takes.  We will succeed. It is our destiny.

I know you know this. Sometimes it helps to be reminded though. I know I feel better when I know that I am not alone in this.  And if you can do it.. if you can press forward another day, another cycle, than you know what? So, can I…

Conversely, If I can keep going, despite the pain, despite my longing for true, permanent liberation from this arduous processes, than so to can you, my friend!

Hold on baby!  Hold on dear one!  We are well equipped to handle all of the shit that comes our way. You know it’s true. You have a built in, “knowingness,” don’t you?

I certainly do, and I am willing to bet good money that you do as well.

I am glad that I expressed my take on the, dark side of awakening.  I am glad that you came along for the journey. I am glad to be here. I know we are all working toward something so grand and so miraculous that our mind’s can’t even begin to fathom what is to come.

Whatever it is, it’s going to be big and it’s going to be well worth every painful step we had to take.

I know you know this..

Press on my fellow awakening spirit, for you are not ever alone in this.  We are all in this together and we can all be here for each other to assist one another when necessary.

Feel free to call on me personally, my name is Victor and I am a fellow awakening spirit, doing the best I can and I am here for you.



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