Last winter I watched my entire life collapse and crumble into nothing…
Of the 8-9 years of my intense spiritual awakening…this was my darkest time… and I almost gave up.
I had spent about 2 1/2 years building up two separate businesses simultaneously…
Both were doing pretty well and were created out of my highest passions….(or so I thought)
Since I can remember I loved exercise, fitness, health, and anything related…
So in 2013 I opened a personal training/boot camp gym… and it all happened synchronistically.
It was not easy but within a couple years I had built it up nicely and even enjoyed the process.
I got it to a point where IÂ had about 60 clients… 2 employees running everything, and IÂ hardly ever had to step foot in there at all.
At the same time I was involved in a medical marijuana grow operation. (another big passion of mine)…. or so I thought.
A buddy of mine was friends with a professional hockey player who played in the NHL and this guy funded a massive warehouse grow operation… (I’m in Michigan so it’s legal 🙂
We were like kids in a candy store!
I was so happy! Just blown away at how my life was going.
I discovered creative ways to earn a good living doing what I wanted and was free to spend plenty of time with my family, go on vacation… etc.
Ironically… at the peak of my success with both these things I worked so hard to create…. out of the blue…things started to fall apart at the seams…
I’m not just talking… regular life challenges either.
I knew in my gut what was happening, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why.
When something in our lives become out of alignment with our new vibration… things start to go wrong.
They start manifesting problems at a rate that is incredibly alarming and stressful as a way to demonstrate the message…
“This no longer works for you.”
On one hand…. I understood this… but this time it just didn’t add up.
Why? Why these 2 things that I really enjoyed and worked so hard on?
At that time, I had 2 children, and a baby a couple weeks from being born, mortgage, car payments, private school bills.. you name it.
To cut myself off from both careers was financial suicide, and yet that was the crystal clear message.
My intuition and gut feelings to do so were stronger than ever before.
I knew it had to be done, but for obvious reasons… I resisted.
But, the longer I procrastinated, the more issues came up… and the more obvious it became that neither of these things were going to make it.
When the energetic dissonance becomes too great… it’s pointless to hold on. It can’t work.
Despite this all happening and me knowing the eventual outcome, Â I still held on…
By this time… things started to get CRAZY for me…
Literally, every single one of my dreams, for weeks, had the same message….
LET IT GO!
I resisted.
At one point, one of my spirit guides entered one of my dreams and said… “let it go buddy!”
He gave me his name (Island)Â and said that I was far more powerful than I realize and it’s time to go in another direction.
Of course he would not say what that new direction was…
They don’t like to have to intervene so directly, but I was resisting so strongly.
Even still…
I thought…
“You know what… screw it… I’m not putting my family through this hardship because of my stupid awakening anymore.”
“I don’t need to be happy”
“So what if these businesses… technically are not 100% in alignment with my purpose and highest joy?”
“They are still pretty cool compared to most people’s jobs and allow me to live a pretty good life.”
I told my guides to F*** Off and I was going to go at this alone.
But… the problems just got more and more out of hand…
As my consciousness continued to expand, I realized how much I actually hated having that gym… I realized even though, I didn’t have to be there physically all that much… mentally… I was ALWAYS there…
At the same time, I realized that my partners in the grow operation were not as trustworthy as I once thought and the amount of effort I was putting in, just was not a wise investment for me…
I realized I enjoyed growing, but not on that large of a scale…. the fun was gone.
I also started getting the sense that something really big might happen if I continued holding on & resisting…
I had a sickening pit in my stomach that was literally draining the life out of me.
So, finally I closed down the gym… this was last December…
I was holding onto the grow though… I quit the grow op business and just had a little one in my basement… but I knew that had to go as well!
Still I just could not see any possible way for us to stay a float financially with zero income…
I was furious!
I was yelling at my higher self and spirit guides on a daily basis.
I thought that the predicament they put me in.. or I put myself in… was simply too much to bare.
It was just WAY too big of a leap of faith… I was being asked to make.
How could I risk the well being of my own family, who I love dearly… on a whim… on this foggy leap of faith?
I had no idea what I was going to do.
This was my most stressful and difficult time in my awakening journey to date.
I had lost all faith in everything. (my intuition, my life path, and myself)
I was back to square one…. No money… No faith…. Nothing but a bunch of jumbled and confusing synchronicity, and a big family to support, both financially and emotionally.
To make matters even more grim… my little dog died out of the blue (she was 9, but she was a little dog that probably would have lived to 12-15).
She just stumbled out of her little room one day and fell over… and died 2 days later.
This was a point where I was incredibly suicidal…. if I didn’t have a family that needed me, I honestly do not think I would be here.
I was so depressed, bitter, and faithless…
I worked so hard for years creating a great life for me and my family and within a matter of 2 months.. it all crumbled to the ground before my very eyes.
As I said in the last email… letting go is perhaps one of the hardest aspects of awakening…
This post has gone on long enough though, so I will tell you tomorrow how it all played out.
Obviously, I’m still here 🙂
To be continued….
Sincerely,
Victor
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