Recently I spoke about letting go of safety and predictability in exchange for the deep unknown.
Not the best wager right?
Yet, we find ourselves doing this many times throughout our awakening… albeit kicking our feet most of the way.
Many times.. when we do this… leap into the unknown…. backed by our strong intuition… were cool for a minute.
However, it’s usually not very long before the rational and logical part of ourselves flares up and raises extreme levels of doubt and questions about our recent decision.
When this happens we can literally go into panic mode…
What have I done!
OMG…. what was I thinking!?
What I didn’t tell you in my last email was, prior to finally letting go of one of those sources of stability…
I did something a little embarrassing.
My wife laughs about this still…
For those who missed this previous blog post… you can read it ==> HERE.
I mentioned I had a source of income that came in the form of a medical marijuana grow that eventually made it’s way into my basement.
I talked about how I would stay awake at night with…. what felt like a knot of fear that felt like a lead weight.
Deep down I KNEW I had to get rid of this grow room… and fast!
So… over the course of several months… probably about 4 or 5 times…. many times in the middle of the night after a scary dream… I would rush down stairs in my basement and cut the power…
I would chop down all the plants and destroy months of hard work and progress…
That knot would go away!
I’d say… yes! that really was it.
Then I would finally get a good night’s sleep…
Often, as soon as the very next day I would question my actions…
I would think… “dude, what are you going to do now?”
I would rationalize that my actions were taken out of fear and always decide to start back up all over again!
This wasn’t an easy process though…
A few times I completely dismantled the grow room, which was a very involved and laborious endeavor…
And like clockwork… I would rebuild it… get some new plants and start all over again.
I did this like 5 times!
My wife thought I had lost my mind.
I was in agreement!
You know…
We are all a lot more daring and courageous than we sometimes give ourselves credit for…
Sometimes… it’s not the jump into the unknown that gets us… rather it’s the racy thoughts and intense emotions of doubt and fear that set in AFTER the fact.
If we aren’t careful… those emotions of trepidation and doubt will crystalize into very reasonable and rational streams of thoughts that can cause us to backslide.
But if something really needs to change… all the data, synchronicity, dreams, signs, omens, and feelings that caused us to take the plunge to begin with… will come back with a vengeance!
This cycle is what kept me at a stand still for several months…
I couldn’t decide which was more difficult to live with….
The nagging gut feeling that was telling me to jump.. move on… go, go, go… .or the normal, human anxiety and psychological and emotional stress that flairs up when you do something that seems completely crazy to the rational thinking mind…
I’m curious if you guys have ever experienced this situation?
If you have been awakening for even a couple weeks, I bet you have 🙂
It can be a real tough one…
Balancing your, ever growing intuition’s influence of navigating your life… with your very hardened and conditioned rational, thinking mind…
Were going through a period of re-training that mind to be more in harmony with our higher guidance.
The only way this is possible is through these types of experiences… where our mind can see clearly, time and time again.. that this… higher self of ours… really does give good advice and knows what is best for us.
The more experiential proof your physical mind can get.. the easier of a time it will have letting go, trusting… and moving on… FOR GOOD 🙂
PS… Tomorrow I am going to tell you about something else that I suspect you are experiencing during these types of inner battles with yourself..
This confusing influence is very new to the human experience … and typically only people who are awakening notice it…
Stay tuned…
Sincerely,
Victor
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