Imagine your life without guilt…
I don’t mean to imply that you abandon your conscience completely… rather, I invite you to entertain the notion of proceeding through life… through your days unburdened by the heavy weight of guilt.
It’s funny… many people feel guilty pondering the possibility of not feeling guilty!
It is in our most natural nature… to be…
- Loving
- Compassionate
- Considerate
- Helpful
- Kind
- Mindful
- Friendly
So, we don’t need the emotion of guilt ever…
It is not needed to be any of those things and yet most of us have been conditioned to associate guilt as a necessary component of being a good person and having those positive attributes.
Ironically, the emotion of guilt only fuels a dysfunctional relationship with things, and blocks our natural capacity to easily exemplify those beautiful traits.
More so, it’s an incredibly depressing and unpleasant state of being to embody guilt.
I grew up feeling incredibly guilty all the time.
My mom was… and still is.. super co-dependant and would use guilt as a means of dictating my behavior.
It has been one of the most present and destructive emotions that I have had to work through during the entire course of my awakening.
However as a result, I have become keen at recognizing it in myself and others and more importantly, I have discovered 3 amazingly affective methods for lifting it…
You can experience a much smoother awakening by getting a handle on your guilt.
Awakening is a constant confrontation with our short comings.
Consequently, feeling guilty is easy to do as this happens.
But if you can learn to see yourself and your life from a new perspective, you can lift that burden of guilt and proceed through life with greater lightness and freedom.
3 – Ways To Lift The Burden Of Guilt:
#1. Question It –
Sounds all too simple, but much of our guilt persists because we have never even bothered to question it’s presence.
Why would I feel this guilty in this situation?
A good exercise to do with yourself is to pretend your personal situation is not yours… but rather a close friends.
Imagine if your buddy came to you with your situation and asked for advice.
How would you respond to another in this situation?
Would you condemn them?
Would you talk down to them… or think less of them?
Of course not.
You understand that we all are doing the best we can and all in the process of learning as we go, so you would probably remind them to go easy on themselves.
Right?
So why the double standard?
Why beat yourself up?
#2. Re-Define Your Expectations Of Yourself
I don’t know about you, but I tend to place insanely unrealistic expectations on myself.
Some call this being a perfectionist, but in all honestly, at least for me… it’s more than that.
I know I am not alone, most of us do.
We don’t allow any sort of learning curve for ourselves.
We expect perfection, and when we don’t live up to that high standard… we feel guilty… not good enough.
Right?
And as you probably have noticed, your awakening has the tendency to provoke obvious behaviors that make clear where we living unconsciously.
Plainly, our awakening can make it hard to avoid acting like an crazy person from time to time!
The combination of this and us setting the bar so high for ourselves is like a petri dish for guilt to grow.
So, what I have been doing lately… is simply reminding myself to chill out!
Relax man!
It’s not the end of the world, and if you were unhappy with today’s choices or performance… make it a point to improve next time.
I tell myself that the only way to make real change is to first see clearly that a change must be made… I must become aware of a problem before I can change it.
Becoming aware of it through temporary misjudgment or poor action is valuable and necessary.
In the past however I would blow things WAY out of proportion.
I harshly scrutinize my every mistake, and emotionally, it would feel like the world was ending.
This feeling of being a failure can influence all sorts of unhealthy and dysfunctional behavior, that ironically will only cause me to have much greater chances of repeating the same mistake next time!
*** Little tip that has helped me that I got from a book that I can’t recall…
Deal ONLY with the facts.
I lost my job. – FACT
I lost my job and now my life is ruined! – Distorted and embellished self assessment!
It helps to get our own personal opinions out of the way and deal with the facts because no matter what the case is… we can always do something about the facts, but when we buy into our own harsh judgments and exaggerated self-opinions, we truly start to feel helpless.
#3. Give Back In Some Way
Do something that will force you to feel good about yourself.
Many of you know I overcame a drug addiction many years ago.
For about the first 3-4 years after getting clean, I was avid participant of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Much of the ideology I don’t agree with anymore but there was a very helpful lesson that I learned and continue to practice to this day.
In the AA meetings they would always say that whenever you are feeling down on yourself… go and do something nice or helpful for another person.
It really does work like magic.
Even back in my early 20’s after giving it a try… to this day, I do my best to be super nice to strangers.
You don’t have to help millions… just being kind to your fellow human being at the store can go a long way.
I like to do this at grocery stores where the clerks are usually in a bad mood because they have to deal with the general public all day…
They can’t help but become a little hardened and bitter.
I totally get it because for many years I was in a similar field.
So what I do is make it a point to smile… many times spark up a nice conversation.. help bag my own groceries… and always look them in the eyes and tell them a very sincere, thank you.
9 out of 10 times they react with a very pleasant surprise… I can tell that simple gesture made their day.
I know this because I would feel the same way when the roles were reversed.
I was a valet attendant for a couple years while living in Boca Raton Florida.
I worked at, “The Beach Club” which was a very exclusive resort that attracted a very unique breed of people… collectively. I know I am being slightly judgmental even now!
The reality was, most of the people were very smug and rude, and weren’t shy about expressing it.
However, once in a while someone would give us a fat tip, and just be really cool with us, and all of us valet guys would talk about it all day.
It would remind us that not all people are ass holes, which modified our entire perspective, and totally shifted out mood from being cynical and hard to optimistic and hopeful.
A simple act of human kindness really does have the capacity to brighten someones entire day.
And for you… the person doing the kindness, you will feel GREAT about yourself.
It will lift your mood as well.
And more specific to our case, it will help you have an easier time not feeling so guilty because you will KNOW… you will have experiential proof that you are a good person, worthy of feeling happy.
Try it.
Next time you feel really down, I dare you to run to your local drug store and buy a pack of gum or something.
See the instant shift in your mood as you brighten another’s day.
In Conclusion…
I would have never listened to a word of this.
In the past I would never admit that I was in need of hearing any of this… especially because the advice is so simple.
However as my awakening has progressed I have been continually illuminated at how I function… what makes me tick… and the gravity of my short comings.
As simple as these 3 tips are… they have helped change my life when put into practice.
We are all in the process of becoming FREE.
The freedom of guilt is perhaps one of the most physically noticeable sensations and greatest rewards of my awakening process.
You can FEEL it lift and then see just how much your life experience improves in it’s absence.
Namaste
-Victor
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